My husband and I were gifted an overnight and delicious dinner experience in Kinston, NC. Thanks Mom and Dad! I have only driven through this place on my way to the North Carolina Coast. It is halfway and a great pit stop. I had never veered off of state road 70 into this quintessential downtown area.

I was struck by the various stories that these streets told. First, I only saw abandoned shop fronts on the main streets of a small eastern North Carolina town. But then as we walked around other things caught my eye. Pockets of re-invented and updated vendor spaces intermixed with those that had been there for decades. Beautiful and quirky art exhibits in the storefront windows of those spaces hoping to be filled with life and commerce soon. A beautiful park and interesting places to eat. Almost out of nowhere, the amazing Thomas Sayre sculpture pictured above took my breath away. The setting sun added to the grandeur of such an amazing human creation.

In the morning before we departed, we wandered into a diner that had been a part of this downtown scene since 1941. Girl scouts were selling cookies right outside of the door – this former girl scout always stops and buys when I see this nostalgic scene. We entered the diner, gave our name, and moved into a standing space as the next in line to be served. Then this exchange took place:

Man (probably in his 80’s): I am not trying to cut in front of you, I just want to stand right here.

Me: (with an attempt at a flirty jokey response) If you cut me, I might have to take you down.

Man: (with daggers in his eyes) Oh, are you one of those kind of women? I bet you voted for Biden.

Me: (still trying to be a little cutesy and offering a high five) Yes I did.

Man: Put your hand down. I don’t want to touch the likes of you.

Me: Wow.

Man: I am a Republican. I vote straight Republican.

Me: May I ask you a question.

Man: nods

Me: Did you vote for Mark Robinson for governor? (for those who live outside of NC, the spiraling shit show campaign of this candidate is summarized here or here.

Man: Well, [hem and haw], I didn’t. I guess I’m not totally straight. If it was a year and a half ago, I sure would have. That man came to my church and said all of the right things. But, as more stuff came out, I couldn’t vote for him.

[subject change] You know what I like the best about what Trump said? There are just two genders. All that other stuff isn’t biblical.

Me: Huh. How many transgender people are you in relationship with?

Man: None, I hope.

Me: I imagine that you are and don’t even know it.

We were called to our table.

Me: Have a nice day.

Man: Enjoy your meal.

Even though I felt like this man would have liked to take me down, we were in a safe space to have this kind of dialogue. I also had a few decades on him. I certainly have family and friends who voted in ways that I don’t understand. Most of the time conversation around such matters are avoided, shut down by me in honor of self-care, or engaged in for a time until someone needs to bail. This man very quickly “othered” me – one of those! I hope I did not do the same to him. I tried hard to listen, be curious, and stand my ground. I understand from whence he comes.

During my 62 years, the Southern Republican strategy of othering hasn’t changed. In the 60’s and 70’s Blacks were othered as desegregation rolled in. Then Roe vs. Wade became the target. Soon after, gay, queer folks, and the right to marry became the scapegoat issue. Today, there are many targets, but immigrants and trans people are at the center of the bulls eye.

I am in relationship with both immigrant and trans folks. I am committed to your humanity and your safety. You are amongst my beloved. There is no other.